Leading From Within: Mastering the Art of Self-Leadership

A Journey Begins in the Mirror

Marianne stared at the resignation letter on her desk. After eighteen months as CEO of the promising tech startup, three of her senior leaders had quit within weeks of each other. The company culture she'd worked so hard to build was crumbling.

That evening, exhausted and defeated, she stepped into her home office and noticed a book her mentor had given her months ago—still unopened. It was Andy Stanley's work on leadership. She flipped it open to a page that seemed to leap out at her:

"You won't be a leader worth following unless you lead yourself well."

Marianne felt a jolt of recognition. She had been so focused on leading others that she'd neglected her own self-leadership. People noticed her inconsistency, emotional outbursts, and failure to live by her values.

These weren't just random events; they formed a pattern that slowly eroded trust.

The next morning, Sarah didn't update the company strategy or call an emergency meeting. She faced her mirror and made three promises to herself. These commitments would change her leadership and impact her company’s future.

Her journey of self-leadership had finally begun.

Key Takeaways:

• The mirror principle: Your greatest leadership challenge faces you every morning in the mirror

• Radical honesty: Exceptional self-leadership begins with complete truthfulness with yourself

• Values-driven decisions: Prioritizing what you value most over what you want now

• Community matters: You cannot lead yourself effectively by yourself

• Directional living: Direction, not intention, determines your destination

The Challenge in the Mirror

Let this sink in for a moment: You have participated in every bad decision you have ever made.

I know that might feel uncomfortable to read. It certainly was uncomfortable for me to write. But here's the powerful truth Andy Stanley reminds us of: We face our greatest challenge every day when we look in the mirror.

The quality of your leadership is directly connected to how well you lead yourself. Think about it—have you ever willingly opened yourself up to a leader you don't respect? Of course not. None of us does.

This is why self-leadership matters so profoundly:

• To be a great leader, you must first lead yourself well.

• Exceptional self-leadership is key to sustained influence.

• Exceptional self-leadership is key to sustained performance.

• Great leaders last because they lead themselves well.

Three Crucial Decisions for Self-Leadership

Let's break down the path to exceptional self-leadership into three critical decisions you must make:

1. I will not lie to myself even when the truth makes me feel bad about myself

The hardest person to be honest with is often ourselves. We're masters of self-deception, experts at rationalizing our choices and behavior.

But here's what I've learned: What's worse than feeling bad about yourself is not doing something about the thing that's bad about yourself.

You cannot lead yourself well if you're lying to yourself. The easiest person for you to deceive is the person in the mirror—and yet, that person has the greatest influence over your future.

Try asking yourself these revealing questions:

• Why am I doing this, really?

• Why am I postponing this, really?

• Why am I saying this, really?

• Why am I buying this, really?

• Why am I acting like this, really?

You owe it to yourself to know the truth about yourself. It's the foundation of everything else.

2. I will prioritize what I value most over what I want to do

You cannot lead yourself well until you discover what you value most. Exceptional leaders don't just chase immediate desires; they lead themselves toward what they value most.

Think about it: You might want dessert, but you value health. You might want a new car, but you value financial security. You might want to skip exercise, but you value vitality and longevity.

What you want now is rarely what you value most.

How do we discover what we value most? Stephen Covey offers this powerful exercise: What would you want people to say at your funeral?

• What would you want your parents to say?

• What would you want your spouse to say?

• What would you want your children to say?

• What would you want your friends to say?

• What would you want your co-workers to say?

Your answers form your personal definition of success. And it's deeply sad to reach the end of life only to realize it's too late to achieve what you truly valued. So, make the choice today to opt for the ultimate over the immediate.

3. I will not attempt to lead myself alone

Here's a humbling truth: You can't lead yourself by yourself. Our friends determine the direction and quality of our lives more than we care to admit.

Think about your greatest regrets. Chances are, they happened with friends who supported those decisions. This isn't just true in our teenage years—it continues throughout our lives.

That's why self-leadership requires community, but not just any community. You need friends who share your values, not just your interests. Because self-leadership is value-driven, the values a person embraces determine the direction of their life.

This might mean you need to disconnect from certain relationships. Remember: what's ultimate can be threatening to those who have opted for the immediate.

Setting Standards, Not Just Rules

I love the distinction Andy Stanley makes between having rules and setting standards. It reminds me of what one great coach told his team leaders: "We are not going to have any rules; we are going to have standards."

Rules are external constraints. Standards become who we are.

The Direction Principle

Remember this formula: Direction, not intention, determines destination.

We all have good intentions. But where you end up in life is determined not by what you intend to do but by the direction you're currently moving.

The greatest influence over your future is looking back at you in the mirror each morning. Choose to lead that person well. Lead yourself toward what you value most, not just what you want at the moment.

Your Legacy is Watching

Perhaps there are smaller faces in smaller mirrors counting on you as well—your children, your team members, those who look to you for guidance.

Everybody ends up somewhere. The question is: will you end up there on purpose?

Each morning, as you face your reflection, remember: the person in the mirror is counting on you to lead well. And so am I.

What one step will you take today to lead yourself better?